Why Do I Get So Angry? Conquering My Fiery Temper

Do you feel like you constantly find yourself boiling with rage, frustration or irritation? Are you tired of getting angry at the smallest things and regretting it later? You’re not alone. Many people experience anger issues at some point in their lives. But the question remains: why do we get so angry?

What is anger?

Anger is a natural human emotion that serves as a response to a perceived threat or a violation of one’s boundaries. It is part of our survival instincts and can help us cope with situations that can adversely affect our well-being. However, anger can become a problem when it’s too intense, too frequent, or when it leads to violence or aggression.

What causes anger?

There are several factors that can trigger anger, including:

  • Frustration caused by an obstacle to our goals
  • Perceived injustice or unfairness
  • Feeling disrespected or humiliated
  • Unmet expectations
  • Personal attacks or criticism
  • Fear or anxiety
  • Physical pain or discomfort
  • Chronic stress

How does anger affect our lives?

Anger affects not only our mental and emotional well-being but also our physical health, relationships, and decision-making abilities. Here are some of the effects of uncontrolled anger:

  • Increased risk of heart disease and stroke
  • Higher likelihood of engaging in risky behaviors, such as substance abuse or gambling
  • Difficulty forming healthy relationships
  • Lowered self-esteem and feelings of guilt
  • Impaired decision-making abilities and poor judgment

How can we manage our anger?

Identify your triggers

The first step in managing your anger is to identify your triggers. This means identifying the situations or people that consistently make you angry. Once you have identified your triggers, you can learn to avoid or manage them effectively.

Practice relaxation techniques

Relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, and yoga, can help reduce feelings of anger and stress. Practice these techniques regularly to build resilience and reduce the intensity of your reactions.

Improve communication skills

Effective communication is key to managing anger in interpersonal relationships. Learning to express your feelings calmly and assertively instead of resorting to aggression can improve your relationships and reduce conflict.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a form of therapy that aims to identify and change negative thought patterns and behaviors. It has been shown to be effective in managing anger and reducing the likelihood of future outbursts.

Practice self-care

Self-care is critical in managing anger. This can include getting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.

When should you seek professional help?

If your anger is causing significant problems in your life, such as affecting your work or relationships, and if your efforts at managing your anger are not working, it may be time to seek professional help. Therapists and mental health professionals can provide personalized treatment options to help you manage your anger.

The bottom line

Anger is a normal and natural part of being human, but unchecked anger can cause significant problems in our lives. By identifying our triggers, practicing relaxation techniques, improving our communication skills, and seeking professional help if needed, we can learn to manage our anger and lead healthier, more fulfilling lives.


Why do some people get angrier than others?

People have different temperaments, which influence how they react to situations that cause anger. Additionally, childhood experiences, genetics, and cultural background can all play a role in how easily someone gets angry.

Can anger be genetic?

Research indicates that genetics plays a role in anger, but environmental factors such as childhood experiences and upbringing can also influence how one expresses and manages anger.

Is it okay to express anger?

Expressing anger in a healthy and assertive manner can be productive and help individuals communicate their needs and boundaries. However, expressions of anger that are aggressive or violent can cause harm and lead to negative consequences.

What is the difference between anger and aggression?

Anger is a normal human emotion, while aggression involves physically or verbally attacking others. Aggression is a more intense form of anger that can cause harm to others and to oneself.

How can I control my anger in the moment?

When feeling angry, it can be helpful to take a break, calm yourself through deep breathing exercises, and practice relaxation techniques. Engaging in physical activity, such as going for a walk or run, can also help reduce feelings of anger and frustration.

Can medication help manage anger?

Some medications, such as antidepressants or mood stabilizers, can be helpful in managing anger when prescribed by a qualified mental health professional. However, medication is not always appropriate or necessary for everyone.


  • American Psychological Association. (2017). Anger: Know your triggers and Learn to Control It.
  • Mayo Clinic Staff. (2020). Anger Management.
  • National Institute of Mental Health. (2020). Understanding Anger.
  • de Rivera, J., & Haviland-Jones, J. M. (2016). Handbook of Emotions. Guilford Publications.

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