Relationships can be beautiful, but they can also be heart-wrenching. When a relationship ends, it’s common to go through a grieving process. You may cry, feel angry, and wonder how you’ll ever move on without your partner. For some people, getting over an ex can be a smooth process, but for others, it can be a long and grueling one. If you’re wondering whether or not it’s possible to never get over someone, the truth is that it depends. In this article, we’ll explore why some people may never fully move on from a past relationship and what you can do to heal.
What It Means to “Never Get Over” Someone
Before we dive into the reasons why some people may have trouble moving on from a past relationship, it’s important to understand what it means to “never get over” someone. Essentially, this concept means that even though you may have gone through the typical stages of grief after a breakup, you still can’t shake the feeling that your ex was “the one” or the person you were truly meant to be with. You may compare every new partner to your ex, hold onto mementos from your time together, or find yourself constantly thinking about them.
Why Some People Can’t Let Go of Their Exes
There are a few reasons why some people may struggle to move on from a past relationship. Here are some of the most common:
- Codependency: If you were in a relationship where you became overly reliant on your partner, it can be difficult to adjust to life without them.
- Fear of Being Alone: Even if you know deep down that your ex wasn’t a good fit for you, the idea of being alone can be scary. You may worry that you won’t find someone else who you connect with as deeply as you did with your ex.
- Unresolved Feelings: Sometimes you may have unresolved feelings for your ex that you don’t even fully understand. These feelings can manifest in a variety of ways, including longing to be with them again or feeling angry or resentful towards them.
The Role of Media and Society
Another reason why some people may struggle to move on from a past relationship is the constant bombardment of romantic ideals in the media and society. Whether it’s movies, songs, or TV shows, we’re constantly being fed the message that true love is all-consuming and if you find your “soulmate,” you should do anything to be with them. This messaging can make it difficult to let go of a past relationship, especially if you feel like you’ve lost your chance at true love.
How to Move Forward After a Breakup
If you’re someone who has trouble getting over a past relationship, there are steps you can take to heal and move forward. Here are some tips:
Allow Yourself to Grieve
It’s important to allow yourself to grieve after a breakup, but it’s also important to be gentle with yourself during this time. This may mean taking a break from social media or avoiding places that remind you of your ex. Give yourself permission to feel your emotions, whether that means crying, screaming, or writing in a journal.
Focus on Self-Care
After a breakup, it’s important to prioritize self-care. This can mean different things for different people, but some ideas may include:
- Exercising or getting outside for a walk
- Meditating or practicing yoga
- Getting enough sleep
- Eating a balanced diet
- Taking a relaxing bath or shower
Setting boundaries can be tough, especially if you were in a codependent relationship. But it’s important to establish boundaries with your ex so that you can begin to move on. This may mean blocking them on social media, declining invitations to hang out, or simply limiting contact with them.
Focus on Personal Growth
When you’re struggling to get over a past relationship, it can be helpful to focus on your personal growth. This may mean taking up a new hobby, going back to school, or volunteering in your community. By focusing on yourself and your own goals, you can begin to build a sense of identity outside of your past relationship.
FAQs about Getting Over an Ex
Here are some of the most common questions people have about getting over an ex:
Q: How long does it take to get over an ex?
A: There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. It can take days, months, or even years to fully move on from a past relationship. The key is to be patient with yourself and allow yourself to grieve at your own pace.
Q: Is it okay to still have feelings for an ex?
A: It’s completely normal to still have feelings for an ex, especially if the relationship was long or intense. However, it’s important to be honest with yourself about these feelings and not let them hold you back from moving forward.
Q: Can you ever be friends with an ex?
A: It’s possible to be friends with an ex, but it’s not always easy. If you do decide to remain friends, it’s important to establish clear boundaries and be honest with yourself about your feelings.
Q: How do I know if I’ve truly moved on?
A: When you’ve truly moved on from a past relationship, you’ll no longer feel a need to compare new partners to your ex or hold onto mementos from your time together. You’ll be able to look back on the relationship with fondness, but you’ll also be excited about the possibilities that the future holds.
Getting over an ex can be tough, but it’s important to remember that healing takes time. By focusing on self-care, personal growth, and setting boundaries, you can begin to build a life that’s fulfilling without your ex. If you’re struggling, don’t be afraid to reach out for support from friends, family, or a therapist.
- Banfield, N. (2018). Moving On: A Practical Guide to Coping with Breakups. Arcturus Publishing.
- Gunzberg, L. (2019). The Science of Letting Go. Psychology Today. Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-new-home/201904/the-science-letting-go. [Accessed 21 May 2021].
- Kashdan, T.B., Roberts, J.E., & Hallgren, K.A. (2008). Psychological Flexibility as a Fundamental Aspect of Health. Elsevier Inc. 646-662.