Is he in denial about his feelings for me? Unpacking the signs

Are you unsure if the guy you’re into is in denial about his feelings for you? Have his actions and words left you confused? Don’t worry; you’re not alone. Trying to figure out someone else’s emotions can be challenging, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Here, we’ll explore some vital signs to unpack whether he’s actually in denial about his feelings for you.

The Silent Treatment

Have you noticed that he avoids talking about your relationship, especially when it comes to sharing his feelings? This might be a sign that he’s in denial. In most cases, men tend to avoid some conversations that make them feel emotionally vulnerable.

To be clear, silence can often speak louder than words. If you find yourself on the receiving end of the silent treatment, take it as a sign that he’s not comfortable revealing his emotions just yet.

He Maintains Distance

If he’s in denial about his true feelings for you, he might try to keep some distance. It could be that he feels comfortable maintaining a surface-level relationship with you but is afraid to reveal his true emotional state. If he seems to be holding back from taking things to the next level or exposing his feelings, this could be another sign that he’s in denial.

He’s always ‘busy’

Another thing to note is how he’s spending his free time. If it becomes challenging to plan any activities with him beyond the occasional meet up, it could also be an indication that he’s in denial about his feelings. He may prioritize other activities as a way to avoid investing more time and effort into the relationship.

Mixed Signals

If he’s sending mixed signals or giving you mixed messages about his relationship with you, it can be tough to determine how he genuinely feels about you. He may appear interested in you one day and then suddenly act distant the next day.

If he shows some of the typical signs of infatuation like being more attentive, spending more time with you, and communicating frequently, but then becomes distant, it could be that he is battling with his feelings of affection towards you.

He Might Be Flirting With You

If you keep getting indications that he is attracted to you, such as compliments, physical touch, or teasing, it might be that he is trying to gauge your interest in him. It’s also possible that he’s flirting with you but is in denial about his affection or commitment.

However, flirting can also indicate that he enjoys your company, but he’s not ready to make any long-term commitments. The only way to find out for sure is by having an open and honest conversation with him.

He’s Still Looking Elsewhere

If he is always on the lookout for other potential romantic partners, it could be an indication that he is indecisive about his affection towards you or is in denial about his feelings for you. It might also indicate that he doesn’t consider you in his long-term dating plans.

He has commitment issues

Commitment phobia is a real problem for some men, and it can manifest in various forms of relationship sabotage, such as refusing to meet your friends or family, regularly canceling plans, or generally keeping things casual.

It’s essential to understand that commitment, especially in romantic relationships, requires vulnerabilities, risk-taking, and, in most cases, an element of sacrifice. So if commitment issues present themselves in different ways, keep it in mind that there may be something deeper beneath the surface.

He’s Not Introducing You To His Family And Friends

Introducing significant others to one’s family and friends can be a significant step in any romantic relationship, regardless of whether you’re male or female. If he is not introducing you to his family and friends, it might be an indication that he is not ready to take things to the next level.

This might also mean that he is in denial about his feelings for you and is therefore unwilling to commit to a long-term relationship.

He Only Wants To Be Friends

Just because he says he just wants to be friends doesn’t mean that his feelings for you are simple or that he’s not denying deeper feeling. It could mean that he’s afraid of making himself vulnerable or that he’s not ready to commit to something more.

If you’re not happy with the idea of being just friends, it’s important to have an open and honest talk with him about what you both want from the relationship. It’s possible that he’s not in denial about his feelings for you; he may simply be unwilling or unable to pursue a romantic relationship.

Concluding Thoughts

It’s not always easy to determine whether he’s in denial about his feelings for you, but watching for the signs listed above can help you determine where you stand in the relationship. It’s important to communicate openly and honestly with him about your feelings, without being pushy and controlling, and to evaluate if the relationship aligns with what you want from it.

Remember, the key to any good relationship is communication, understanding, and a willingness to listen and support each other.

List of Common Questions and their Answers

  • Q: How do I know if a man is in denial about his feelings for me?
    • A: Watch for signs such as mixed signals, maintaining distance, avoiding emotional conversations, flirting but avoiding commitment, and having a commitment phobia.
  • Q: Can I get him to open up and share his feelings?
    • A: You can try, but if he’s in denial about his true emotional state, it may be a challenging task. It would take patience, perseverance, and honesty on your part to develop an open and safe environment that encourages open communication.
  • Q: Should I confront him about his true feelings?
    • A: If you want to know where you stand in the relationship, it’s essential to communicate openly and honestly with him. However, you need to be cautious with how you approach the issue. Avoid aggressive or pushy language, and instead, offer a safe and secure environment where he feels comfortable opening up about his emotions.
  • Q: What if he says he just wants to be friends?
    • A: Discuss the reasons behind his desire to be friends and clarify what both of you want from the relationship. It’s possible that he’s in denial about his deeper feelings or that he’s not interested in a serious long-term relationship.
  • Q: How long should I wait for him to take the relationship to the next level?
    • A: It’s not about waiting for a specific period to pass but about having a discussion about what you both want from the relationship. Sometimes, men take more time than women to open up emotionally, and it’s essential to give him space while still asserting your needs and setting healthy boundaries.


References used in this article include:

  • Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work. Harmony.
  • Marshall, I. (2017). Can you ever trust a liar?. Da Capo Lifelong Books.
  • Seligman, M. E. P., Rashid, T., & Parks, A. C. (2006). Positive psychotherapy. American Psychologist, 61(8), 774-788.

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