Asking for what you want can be challenging, especially when the stakes are high. Whether you want a raise, a promotion, or something more personal, it’s normal to feel nervous or even afraid to speak up. But by learning how to ask in the right way, you can increase your chances of getting what you want while maintaining positive relationships with those around you. In this article, we’ll dive into the art of asking for what you want, so you can start getting more of what you deserve.
Why Is It Important to Ask for What You Want?
If you don’t ask, you don’t get. This age-old saying holds a lot of truth. When you don’t ask for what you want, you’re more likely to leave opportunities on the table, miss out on great experiences, and settle for less than you deserve. On the other hand, when you do ask for what you want, you open up doors that may have been previously closed. You increase your chances of getting what you want while also gaining confidence, assertiveness, and self-respect.
The Benefits of Asking for What You Want
- You gain clarity: By asking for what you want, you gain clarity about what you really want and what’s important to you.
- You increase your chances of success: When you ask for what you want, you’re more likely to get it.
- You build confidence and assertiveness: Asking for what you want requires courage and confidence, and the more you do it, the more assertive you become.
- You maintain your self-respect: By asking for what you want, you’re respecting your own needs and desires.
- You set a positive example: When you ask for what you want, you inspire others to do the same.
Preparing to Ask for What You Want
Before you start asking for what you want, there are a few things you should consider to increase your chances of success:
Clarify Your Goals
It’s important to be clear about what you want before you ask for it. Take the time to figure out exactly what you’re looking for and why it’s important to you. Once you have a clear picture in your mind, articulate it in writing or out loud to someone you trust. This will help you stay focused and confident when it’s time to make your ask.
Consider Your Audience
When you’re thinking about what you want, it’s also important to consider who you’ll be asking. Understanding your audience’s needs, goals, and perspective can help you tailor your ask in a way that’s more likely to be received positively. Ask yourself questions like:
- What motivates this person?
- What challenges are they currently facing?
- How does my ask fit within their goals and priorities?
The more you can align your ask with your audience’s needs and goals, the more likely they are to see the value in what you’re proposing.
Practice Your Pitch
Once you have a clear ask and an understanding of your audience, it’s time to practice your pitch. This can be as simple as rehearsing what you want to say in front of the mirror or role-playing with a friend or colleague. Consider the following tips as you practice:
- Be concise: Keep your pitch short and to the point, focusing on the key benefits of what you’re asking for.
- Anticipate objections: Think about potential objections your audience might have and be prepared to address them.
- Use examples: Whenever possible, use concrete examples to illustrate your point and make it more memorable.
- Be confident: Stand tall, make eye contact, and speak clearly and confidently.
- Be flexible: Recognize that your audience may have different priorities or perspectives than you, and be willing to adjust your ask if necessary.
Asking for What You Want
Now that you’ve prepared for your ask, it’s time to actually make it. Here are some tips for asking for what you want in a way that’s more likely to be successful:
Be Direct and Positive
When you’re making your ask, be direct and positive. Start by stating what you want, and then explain why it’s important to you and how it benefits the other party. Use positive language and show enthusiasm for what you’re proposing. For example:
“I’m really excited about this opportunity to take on more responsibility in the marketing department. I believe I have the skills and experience needed to excel in this role, and I’m eager to contribute more to the company’s success. How can we make this happen?”
Be Authentic
When you’re making your ask, be authentic and genuine. Speak from the heart and share your true feelings and intentions. Don’t try to manipulate or deceive your audience, as this can backfire and damage your relationships. People are more likely to respond positively to honesty and transparency.
Listen and Respond
When you’re making your ask, it’s important to also listen to your audience’s response and be prepared to adjust your pitch based on their feedback. This shows that you’re open to collaboration and willing to find a mutually beneficial solution. Listen carefully to what they’re saying, ask clarifying questions, and respond constructively. This can help build trust and respect.
Conclusion
Asking for what you want can be intimidating, but it’s also an essential skill for success in both your personal and professional life. By clarifying your goals, understanding your audience, practicing your pitch, and asking in a direct and positive way, you can increase your chances of getting what you want while maintaining positive relationships with those around you. Remember to be authentic, listen and respond to feedback, and stay true to yourself and your values.
Common Questions
1. How can I overcome my fear of asking for what I want?
Start small by asking for something that feels relatively low-risk, like a day off or some extra resources for a project. As you gain confidence and see positive results, gradually work your way up to bigger asks. Remember, asking is a skill that can be learned and practiced, so don’t give up!
2. What if my ask is rejected?
Don’t take rejection personally. Remember that you’re advocating for yourself and your needs, and sometimes things don’t work out. Try to learn from the experience, ask for feedback if possible, and keep a positive attitude. There may be other opportunities in the future.
3. What if I’m worried about damaging my relationships?
Approach your ask in a respectful and collaborative way, and be open to feedback and compromise. Acknowledge the other party’s needs and perspective, and show that you’re willing to work together to find a mutually beneficial solution. This can help build trust and maintain positive relationships.
References
- Grant, A. (2016). Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World. Viking.
- Ury, W. (2013). Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In. Random House.
- Wharton, A. (2018). Asking for a Raise: How to Do It and What to Say. The Muse.